Was so shocked and sad. So I decided to browse through my inbox. And I found this. Received this during my 19th birthday.

"First and foremost,

(for the 4th time I think) let me wish you a Happy 19th Birthday Khairy Alfian! Well, we're 19 years old now. Don't you think it's gone a lil too fast?? It's been one hell of a fun when we greeted each other our birthdays respectively back in school since sec one. For all I last remember we're still in our school attire calling each other names which we're not supposed to, however, I'm sure we might be laughing to every memory now. I remembered when you used to ask Asyraf to tease me Pelacuran Bombay when we're having our malay lesson and I would sulk over it and will remain mum with you for 3 months, yeahh? Haha. How childish!

But I never knew the teasings since then create something that would last till now. A friendship which you & I understand more than anyone else, a friendship which we tie on a base to compromise, to laugh and to cry out of. I know, there's somehow a big difference in which I treat any other guyfriends that I have than you- atrocious. Someway or another you must feel a slight envy of that. You can't deny it. Your feelings towards me just scare the hell out of myself. Sometimes I feel really really bad on why I won't able to open up and hang-out with you like any other bestfriends do. Like I might get you hurt instead if I wanna open-up and get really personal about everything life has to offer me. But, I guess by the alternative too I get you hurt. So what am I supposed to do? You might think I'm a heartless and care-no-less piece of crap. Trust me, you have to see on my side.

I have to respect your hopes for that. They're too high for me to catch and keep in my pocket. But friend, don't let it roam too high till you yourself not able to take it back. You are a very good-est friend of mine, someone whom I know I can stand with when anything happens, you're the man of yourself and believe it or not, you are very very strong. You have a very bright future lie ahead of you, your endeavours and everything. Please don't drown yourself too much on your emotions. Put it aside and see another side of life's flow for you to consider. Be like me, thick-skinned and happy. Though life sometimes snatch away my part of happiness, I pull it through with my thickest skin I myself can't imagine. As for you to know, life is just too short for you to dwell and cry. Let's waste it with something blissful and you may not know when you last cried.

I would love to carve a 3 sec (or more) smile on your face every single day just to know I made someone happy the least although I may not be at your side. But I have my own space and problems to do all that. I might not be too free everyday. But for you to know, you're always there in a corner of my heart. Don't worry, you will not be erased. Your dedicated songs, our She Will Be Loved, remember you sent me a song titled Heart Tragedies by Last day Out?, I have that in my mp3, your Accidentally in Love, our That Thing You Do, our I'll Be There For You, more or less your face will etch in mind every now and then. And I will smile to myself. HAHA. See? Noone have that special space other than you. I'm saying this not for the sake of pulling back your strength and keeping you happy but it's all true. I shouldn't be telling you this, but in another way, don't you think I'm opening up something which I am not supposed to?? See, this is another cryptic message by each other which we should understand more not just by talking on the phone, messaging or even chatting. This is why I feel comfortable to talk about with you. (:

This entry was supposingly be a short one but I guess it's gone already so long. It's just something I want you to know that don't feel aloof by my way of act. This is just me. You never know how I treat the other guys. Different people have their different way of attitude. Mine's different. So by now, I just would love to embrace ourselves with our 19th birthday altogether, let's keep each other company in life and start everything anew. I promise I won't make any promises without fulfilling them. (((((:


Lots of love from your lovable friend (ahem!),

Nadhirah A. Jalil"

After what I've discovered earlier on, and after retrieving this email, I cried.